to my love...

world is soo empty when you turn your back on me... and soul is soo cold, so lonely, so forgotten when i dont see your smile, dont hear your voice, cant feel your eyes and you beside me! all feels so pointless when you push me away.
i`ve sinned..im trying to be better. im changing.
in all uncertainties couple things are clear and strong - i love you and i`m always here when you need me!
even when you cant answer with the same...

my angel!

i miss my angel sooo badly!!!! i long for Him! <3

if it wud be so easy - to die!

i want to scream, but not a sound comes out of my mouth..
hot tears running over cheeks, and cold cold soul in frozen body..
pain...merciless pain fluttering heart over and over and over again..without a stop..
guilt, anger, regret and once again it all..and once again...
state of mind - razor... could i get one and get free of all?!
im too afraid. i love you too much!

my mind - a razor;
cutting veins of soul
and leaving it in snow
to bleed out.
left there for dogs of memories
heart which has stopped beating
but havent stopped feeling
and loving just you..
pain pulsing in the body..
pain pervading through
like tiny electrons..
hot passionate heart
filled with so much cold
perforated with sharp icicles
of your words.
it would be so easy to die.
and yet - you hold me back!

curse

  there came event in my life which was crucial! it was a nuclear bomb on my soul.
  i had made that bomb myself. i had left it there. i wasnt proud of me and i tried to hide it. you..you just stepped on the trigger and it exploded. you got hurted too. but im the one whos guilty for everything that happened.
  it swept away all importance away from life, it burnt out all little and big goals of life, it killed everything that mattered and all the living. all it left is pain, unbearable pain and emptiness like atomic bomb leaves just ashes, burnt and distorted corpses and destruction.
  me = freezing. alone. hurting. destroyed.

my 7sein!

my love, i miss you soo much!

pointless

its soo awfully hard.. even impossible to survive whole year long when i know i`m not gonna be living even for a month when i see him.. why to drag that stupid life when all is lost?! whats the point?!

in memory of the sister of my special person

October is cancer month. In memory of every cancer patient, family member and friend who has lost their battle with cancer and in honour ofthose who continue to conquer it! Put this up for 1 hour if you love someone who has or had cancer. Many won't copy and paste this. I did. Will you?

* * *

i want you back sooo badly!!!!
             [i still love you]

                  i.k.
01/01/1986- 10/10/2010

wishing id be dead

im such stupid idiot for making biggest mistakes in my life! i make problems each time when i open my mouth. words have become my enemies - either i tell them or not... there is emptiness in me. extremely huge emptiness and unbearable pain.
i ask God forgive me all the sins i`ve made and to heal your wounds i`ve made...
i regret that im alive and that i caused such strong pain for the men i love the most in this world!