funny pm

# I'm being abducted by aliens. I'll see you yesterday!
# I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay
# Chocolate makes my clothes shrink!
*Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark
Real life needs a search function... I need my socks.
I run with scissors... makes me feel dangerous!
I'm a leader, not a follower
I'm not going to change who I am for other people.
Limitation and defeat must never be accepted, truly admirable are those who turn adversity into a personal victory
Cooler than cool, Stronger than diamonds!
Living in the brightest sunshine, and loving every minute.
Don't like my attitude? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS
Unite against togetherness!
Reality Sucks! Iâm Gonna Keep On Dreamin
If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
By the time you read this, you've already read it
Don`t steal, the government hates competition
When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
I`ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do?
Gravity always wins
There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
Buy land, they have quit making it!
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too..
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children
Panties aren't a mans best friend, but they are next to it
All generalizations are false
A clean dwelling place is the sign of a disturbed mind
This isn't school! This is Hell with fluorescent lighting
Next week there can't be any crisis. My schedule is full already
War does not determine who is right... but who is left
If you are drinking to forget, pay in advance
If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried
In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamphlet look so calm?
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left
3 words to ruin a guys ego..is it in??
You can better lose a lover than love a loser
I'm only crazy when other people cant stand that I'm right
Me breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity
Geniuses are never understood in their own lifetimes
You can trust the government, just ask the Indians
Everybody makes mistakes, that`s why they put erasers on pencils
People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do
Bad Spellers Untie!
Those who know do not say, those who say do not know